


I'll Be Good

by RowenaMoonMoon



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Book 1: Six of Crows, Book 2: Crooked Kingdom, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Kaz Brekker, Minor Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, POV Kaz Brekker, Songfic, Spoilers, kind of a song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:34:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27624113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RowenaMoonMoon/pseuds/RowenaMoonMoon
Summary: Kaz visits Inej when she's unconscious on the way to the Ice Court to get a few things off of his chest without anyone hearing.
Relationships: Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	I'll Be Good

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place the night Inej is stabbed in Six of Crows, but in this story, Kaz came to see her and swore Nina to secrecy. Nina goes above deck, leaving Kaz alone with the unconscious Inej. This is meant to be read while the song (I’ll Be Good by Jaymes Young) is playing because it matches up with the lyrics, which are all in quotation marks. Start reading as soon as you hit play. (People with high read speeds might have to read a little slower. I wanted to make this accessible to people who read slower.) Also, I don't own the lyrics or the characters or anything else you recognize.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POqEVwROEQs
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/track/4JuJZzGcswQszYiKJSnC6i
> 
> Those are Spotify and YouTube links to the song.

Kaz took a deep breath as his eyes settled on Inej. There was so much to say and so little time. Nina would be back soon, and these words were only for him to hear.  
“I thought I saw the devil this morning looking in the mirror.” He tapped his hand lightly on his thigh. “With a warning to help me see myself clearer.” His face softened. “I never meant to start a fire. I never meant to make you bleed.” His eyes flicked to her bandages. “I’ll be a better man today. I’ll be good, I’ll be good.” It was a lie. “And I’ll love the world like I should.” Maybe he could make himself believe it. “I’ll be good, I’ll be good for all of the times that I never could.” I protect my investments. The words had been cruel. He wasn’t used to feeling, and Inej made him feel so much. No one had had that effect on him since Jordie.  
“My past has tasted bitter for years now.” His past made him weak. “So I wield an iron fist. Grace is just weakness or so I’ve been told. I’ve been cold. I’ve been merciless.” He glanced down at the blood on his gloves. “But the blood on my hands scares me to death. Maybe I’m waking up.” She could never love a monster, and he could never change. “I’ll be good, I’ll be good.” It would always be a lie. “And I’ll love the world like I should.” He could never love the world that had taken so much from him. “I’ll be good, I’ll be good.” He didn’t know why he kept saying it. “I’ll be good, I’ll be good,” he whispered again. “For all of the light that I’ve shut out. For all of the innocent things that I doubt.” Her proverbs. “For all of the bruises I’ve caused and the tears. For all of the things that I’ve done all these years.” All of the death, the pain, the destruction, he caused it, and yet he couldn’t feel an ounce of guilt. It wasn’t in his nature. “For all of the sparks that I’ve stomped out. For all of the perfect things that I doubt.” But he’d never doubted her.  
“I’ll be good, I’ll be good, and I’ll love the world like I should.” He shook his head slightly. “I’ll be good, I’ll be good for all of the times I never could.” Inej snuffled quietly, and he bit back a smile. His Wraith would be alright. He would bet on it, and Kaz didn’t bet losing odds. He stood and, after a moment of hesitation, brushed a gloved hand against her arm, ignoring the panic clawing at him, rising in his chest. She moved into the touch. “For all of the times I never could.” I protect my investments. He wasn’t going to apologize, but he was sure she knew that. He was sure she knew that she was more than an investment. She had to because he could never put that into words. He pulled his hand away and took a step back when he heard Nina coming down the hall. He hardened his face, becoming the Bastard of the Barrel once more. He nodded once to Nina when he passed her, never once looking back as he went.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! What did you think?


End file.
